


I Can't Let You Disappear From My Life A Second Time

by originalhybridlover



Category: Sen Çal Kapımı (TV)
Genre: AU canon, Angst, F/M, Love, Misunderstandings, Reunions, Romance, second chances at love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27645388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/originalhybridlover/pseuds/originalhybridlover
Summary: It has been years since Serkan has seen Eda. Once she learned the truth, she moved to Italy and he hadn't seen her since.Until now, she stood before him looking like an angel. Happy with a family.It hurt, seeing his soulmate happy with someone else. A family that should have been his.Eda's happy, she had a family, she had thrived without him.Except all is not as it seems.
Relationships: Serkan Bolat/Eda Yildiz
Comments: 45
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling angsty because one of my shows inflicted pain on me and where this story was born. 
> 
> You know what they say, misery loves company.

Everything stopped, sounds faded away as Serkan watched the love of his life walked in, dressed in a stunning white dress. 

She wasn't alone, a little girl clung to her hair, dressed in a yellow dress with fairies on it. A man was with them, dressed in a suit his hand placed on Eda's lower back. 

Eda looked over at the man, her smile bright and happy. 

Serkan's heart was shattering in his chest. 

It had been years since he had seen Eda. After learning the truth she had left his life and moved to Italy. 

He hadn't seen her since till now. 

How can life be so evil? What did he do to deserve this? 

He was looking at Eda with her family. A family he should've had with her. 

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't stand there looking at the life he should have. The future that had been ripped from him because of circumstances he had no control over. 

Pain ripped through his chest but he couldn't look away.

Then like the world wanted him to hurt worse, Eda turned her eyes meeting his. 

In an instant, her smile was gone. "Serkan?"

She released the little girl's hand, placing it in the man's hand, exchanging words, and then she cut through the room, not stopping him until she stood in front of him. "Serkan?"

Serkan swallowed. She was a vision. An angel standing before him but it was torture. He wanted to reach out and pull her in his arms but he couldn't. She was no longer his. 

She was someone else's.

Her hand reached up sweeping her long gorgeous hair back from her face, his hand caught sight of the ring that adorned her finger a blue sapphire with small diamonds. It was simple and her. 

However, it wasn't his ring on her hand. It was gone and he wasn't sure what hurt more that she no longer wore his ring or that she stood in front of him now, saying his name like he wasn't dying on the inside from seeing her again after all this time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serkan and Eda talk for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope your ready for more angst.

“Eda,” Serkan said. He hadn’t spoken her names just saying it brought him pain. Regret. 

“I can’t believe it’s you,” Eda's smile came back and it was like seeing a star shining brightly in the night sky. “It’s been so long,”

“Years,” Serkan said, his voice deepening with emotion. “When did you move back to Turkey. Last I heard you were in Italy.” 

“I moved back two months ago, I thought about reaching out to you but I..” she licked her lips. “I wasn’t sure you would want to hear from me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Serkan’s brow furrowed. He had never once blamed her for how things turned between them. 

“I know how much I hurt you when I left,” Eda said, remorse in her voice. “I was angry and I wanted to hurt you for keeping the truth from me. It was wrong. I know that and I regret it but I can’t change it. I am sorry.” 

“Don’t,” Serkan stepped closer to her, he reached for her hand instinctively. “Don’t apologize. You don’t need to.”

Eda swallowed. “Serkan, I-”

“Eda,” 

Eda pulled her hands from Serkans, turning to the man he was with. He stood a few feet away, the little girl now in his arms. “Are you coming?”

“Yes, I’ll be there,” Eda told him and turned back to Serkan. “I’m sorry, I have to-,” 

“I understand,” Serkan said. “It was nice to see you again.”

Eda nodded. “You too,” 

Serkan watched as she turned and walked over to her family, the little girl reaching for her when she was in touching distance leaning forward. 

Eda took the girls in her arms, her eyes shining with love for the child as she pressed a kiss against her cheek. 

When the man leaned forward, sweeping his hand down the girl’s back and pressed a kiss Eda’s temple he had to turn away. 

He walked quickly from the room, it was a charity event. He went in attendance for his mother who was running late.

He made it outside but it wasn’t enough, he walked toward his car, his hands coming down to steady himself against the car. 

His breaths came quickly, he closed his eyes trying to calm himself. 

Eda flashed in his eyes, her smile bright and adoring, her image shifted and a man cupped her face, his mouth pressing into hers. 

Serkan’s eyes snapped open and he slammed his fist into the hood of his car. Again and again, until the pain in the knuckles was all he could feel. 

“Serkan!” 

He whipped around to see Seelin standing a few feet away, looking alarmed. 

She took a step forward. “What’s wrong? What has happened?”

“Don’t!” Serkan raised his hand, signaling for her not to come closer, blood coating his knuckles. “Just don’t, Selin.” 

He ripped his car door open, putting his car in gear, he sped out of the parking lot, tires screeching against the asphalt, leaving behind the smell of burning rubber. 

Serkan weaved through the traffic, needing to get away as fast as possible. Needing to escape. 

He didn’t stop until he reached his home. He parked his car and walked through the garden of hikimbase roses, the doctor rose. 

He bought the house from a client. 

Eda’s words about wanting to always live in a house like this were all the encouragement he needed to convince his client to sell the property to him and he remodeled into Eda’s image for the house. 

Serkan walked through his front door and was greeted by Sirius. The dog moved slower and was getting up there in age but Serkan was always on top of his pet medical care. 

Serkan stopped in his living and sat down on the cushions, he pulled off his jacket tossing it beside and slipped his tie off, he scrubbed a hand down his face. 

He looked down at his coffee table and was met with the birthday world globe that Eda had given him years ago. 

When he moved in, he gathered his box of things that held significance to history with Eda and spread out throughout the house, his pictures of them framed. The photo from their fake engagement sat near the globe on the table, he leaned forward gazed at it. He brought his hands together, the knuckles cut and bleeding. 

He started twisting the ring on his hand, he closed his eyes and he saw Eda standing in front of him, smiling the little girl in her arms, both extending their hands out to him. 

“Stop it,” Serkan told himself, rubbing his eyes roughly against his closed eyelids, forcing the image away.

It hurt when Eda left almost 5 years ago more than he can put into words but somehow seeing she forgot him and move on with her life felt so much worse. 

He didn’t think he could feel worse than he did. 

He wishes he was the emotionless robot that Eda claimed him to be. Surely feeling nothing was better than this cold feeling spreading through him. 

Love was nothing but pain. You couldn’t outrun it, escape from it. All you do was suffer as it consumed you whole leaving nothing behind but the shell of the person used to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be in Eda's perspective and some questions will be answered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we get to see things from Eda's perspective in this chapter. I hope you like it!
> 
> Italics are flashbacks.

Eda looked around for Serkan but she couldn’t see him anywhere. She was seated at a table next to Halil, his arm draped around her chair and Alara was perched on his knee, they were seated across from a couple who were expecting and making small talk with Halil. 

Eda’s mind was still reeling. Serkan had never been far from thoughts even after all this time. She thought of him often. How could she not? She loved him. Trusted him and he hurt her more than she thought possible.

But the pain from the secrets he kept from her, the misery his family caused her didn’t erase her feelings for the one man who knew how to push all her buttons. 

When they were together he drove her crazy, he knew how to get her angry, he worked her up, made her hot, made her laugh but most of all he made her happier than she thought was possible. 

Everything inside of her pulled at her to go to him. To stay by his side no matter what. 

She still felt that way. Seeing him again, all she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and let him go. She wanted to leave the past behind them and start over. 

Was that asking too much?

She continued to look, searching the passing faces in the room for the only one she wanted to see but he was nowhere to be found. 

Did he leave? Was seeing her so terrible he had to get away from her as far and as quick as possible? 

The thought had her chest tightening. It felt like a weight on her chest that she could not bear. 

“Eda?”

“Hmm?” Eda turned to Halil. 

“Demet was just saying how beautiful your dress is,” Halil smiled politely at the woman expecting soon sitting across from them. 

“Oh, thank you,” Eda smiled. “It was a goodbye gift from Halil.” 

“Goodbye gift?” Baris, Demet’s husband, questioned. 

“Halil is from Italy, he traveled with me here until I settled into my new home. Halil and Alara will be returning to their home in Italy in a few short weeks.” 

“You’re separated?” Demet asked, shocked. “And moving away from your family. But what about your daughter? How can a mother leave her child?” 

“Aunt Eda’s not my mommy?” Alara spoke up, she leaned back against Halil leaning her head against Halil’s shoulder. “Right?” 

“Right,” Halil leaned forward and pressed a kiss into Alara’s hair. “Eda’s not Alara’s mother but she is family. She has been there for us in a time when we needed someone to be there. She’s been an angel. She dedicated years of her life to our family, we’ll always be there for her but it’s time she started living life for her.” 

Eda smiled over at him. “You’ll always be a part of my life no matter if we’re in different cities.” 

“Oh, we saw the ring and just assumed you were together,” Demet said. 

Eda’s eyes shot down and she winced she had forgotten she was wearing it. 

Halil lifted his arm from the back of the chair and rubbed at the back of his neck. “That’s complicated and private.” 

“Sorry, it’s not our attention to cross any boundaries.” Baris apologized. “So you’re from here Eda?”

“I was raised here, yes, though I am originally from Mardin. I moved to Italy a couple of years ago for school and now I have come back to start building a life here. I can’t imagine building my life anywhere else.” 

Eda had an image in her mind of what her life looks like a few years from now and the only way that was going to happen was if she faced her past and fought for the life she wanted. 

She had been back a few months and had slowly been working up the courage to go see the one person she came back for. 

Eda looked around again in the hopes that she would see Serkan in the crowd but she tensed her eyes meeting with a familiar face and an unwelcome one. 

Selin. 

She was looking right at her and there was anger there that Eda couldn’t fully understand. 

There were a lot of things about Selin that she did not completely get. 

Just seeing the blonde brought on the last time she spoke to Selin. 

_ Eda stood in the hospital hallway, her cheeks wet with her tears.  _

_ She pressed her hand against the glass of the Maternity wing, looking inside she could see  _ her _ , in the incubator.  _

_ Just the sight of that tiny baby had a fresh wave of tears in Eda’s eyes.  _

_ Her heart hurt knowing that little girl came into this world with her mother already gone from her life.  _

_ Aiyla.  _

_ Eda couldn’t believe she was gone.  _

_ Eda met Aiyla when she moved to Italy. The girl was her roommate but she became so much more than that.  _

_ Aiyla became her best friend in a matter of weeks and Eda considered her a sister.  _

_ She was gone now, leaving behind a little girl.  _

_ Eda didn’t know what to do. There was this pain ripping through her chest and her first thought was to talk to Aiyla about it. There was nothing they didn’t share but she was gone now.  _

_ The awful reminder made the pain ten times worse and Eda turned, and slid down the wall, bringing her knees to her chest, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks. _

_ God, the grief, the sadness she was feeling was so painful.  _

_ She reached for her phone and without thinking she dialed a number she couldn’t bring herself to delete.  _

_ Eda held her breath, waiting to hear his voice in her ear. She just needed something to hold onto and he was the first person she thought of.  _

_ “Hello?” _

_ Eda’s brow furrowed at the voice that most definitely was not Serkan’s. “Selin?”  _

_ "Eda?" Selin's voice held an edge to it as she spoke her name.  _

_ "I was calling to speak to Serkan," Eda said, her voice cracking. She lifted a hand wiping at her tears.  _

_ "He can't come to the phone."  _

_ "I can call back," Eda said. "When is a better time? I really need to talk to him."  _

_ She needed to talk to someone who understood the pain of losing a sibling. Of course, Aiyla was not her actual sister but still, it felt like she had lost one.  _

_ "Don't call back, Eda," Selin’s voice was sharp like a blade. "Serkan is finally in a good place. Hearing from you now will only bring him pain." _

_ The words hurt and Eda's first instinct was to refuse them. The thought that just talking to her would cause Serkan pain was unthinkable. Their end was bad but Eda couldn't believe that Serkan would turn her away when she needed him. She was there for him multiple times even when they weren't together. She wanted him to be there for her. _

_ She wanted to know that despite everything they still had that.  _

_ Was that too much to ask? _

_ "Why are you answering his phone?" Eda found herself asking, she had a suspicion why but she hoped she was wrong. She hoped Selin hadn't returned to Serkan.  _

_ She hoped that he would always be hers. Just like she would always be his.  _

_ "Eda, Serkan has moved on. He is happy. You should move on, too." _

_ Another wave of pain ripped through Eda.  _

_ It couldn't be that easy to move on from someone you loved with your whole self.  _

_ It couldn't.  _

_ She couldn't.  _

_ She didn't see other men. Not romantically. All there ever was for her is Serkan. Serkan in her heart, her mind, her dreams.  _

_ If losing Aiyla tonight has taught her anything it was that life should not be taken for granted. It should not be filled with regrets. Happiness was not guaranteed. It was a gift bestowed on the lucky ones who had the good fortune of finding the one person who could make you feel like the whole world was at your fingertips.  _

_ She had that with Serkan but she threw that away out of misplaced anger.  _

_ If she could speak to him, she would tell him everything. How much she regrets leaving without saying goodbye, how there wasn't a single day that passed by that she hadn't thought about him. She would tell him when she pictures her future, he's the one standing beside her, his hand clasped within her own, their lives intertwined. She would tell him how much she missed him. She would tell him that despite everything she still loved him with everything she has.  _

_ The pain of Serkan no longer, needing or wanting her in his life combined with the grief she felt from Aiyla's death, had her shaking, tears sliding down her cheeks. She stifled a sob and pressed a hand to her aching chest.  _

_ "Please, Selin, I just need to hear his voice, I have to tell him I'm sorry about everything. He needs to know I still-" _

_ "Eda, stop!" Selin cut through her pleas harshly. "If you ever cared about Serkan at all you will let him live his life without interference from the one person who has caused him more pain than anyone else ever has. You have to let him go, Eda." _

_ Eda couldn't stop the sob this time and she shook her head. "I don't know if I can."  _

_ "You have to because he's already let you go." _

_ Eda heard shuffling on the phone before the call ended.  _

_ Eda pulled her phone away from her ear, staring at it for a moment before letting it clattered to the hospital floor.  _

_ She buried her face in her hands weeping for her lost love, for Serkan, for the future she imagined with him, for her friend who was taken soon from this world, for the little girl who had lost her mother before ever meeting her.  _

_ Eda let the pain take hold, her sadness consuming her.  _

Eda jolted out of the memory of just seeing Selin brought on, hearing her name. 

"Hmm?"

"I was just saying that it must be a dream come true to be so young and beautiful, on top of being one of the most sought after landscape architects," Baris commented. 

"It's one of them," Eda said, her hand drifted to the chain around her neck. "I intend to make all my dreams come true."

* * *

Later in the night, Eda was preparing to get ready for bed. Halil and Alara were asleep in the guest room. 

Halil wanted to get a good night’s sleep, he wanted to see all Instanbul had to offer before returning home with Alara to Italy. 

Eda sat in front of her mirror and reached for the engagement ring on her hand, slipping it off and placing it on the vanity in front of her. 

She removed her dressing throwing on a pair of pajama's and climbed into bed, once she got comfortable, she reached for the chain around her neck, pulling it out from beneath the fabric of her top. Serkan's engagement ring laid in the palm of her hair. 

Fresh tears came to her eyes, seeing him tonight brought back all the pain and longing she felt over the years. 

She clung to that feeling, to the ring clutched in her hands. 

Those feelings were the very reason she came back.

She clutches the ring to her heart as she fell asleep, thoughts of Serkan's face appearing before her closed eyes lids. 

He still looked at her the same after all this time. 

With longing, with admiration. 

With love.

It was that thought that had her drifting to sleep with thoughts of seeing Serkan again, his ring clutched tightly in her hand. 

* * *

Eda dressed to impress. A pair of black skinny jeans, paired with heels and a red blouse, with an open v neck. The chain with Serkan's ring fell down her neck and was tucked away in her bra. Her hair was pulled back into her signature ponytail with loose strands framing her face. 

She pulled up in front of ArtLife in a black BMW. When she first bought the car it was because it reminded her of Serkan and the times they spent in his car with the roof rolled down, her dancing in her seat to the radio as he smiled freely. 

Eda stepped out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition for the valet, and headed inside. 

She was stopped at the reception desk. "Can I help you - Oh my, you're Eda Yildiz."

"I am, I’m here to see Serkan Bolat. I know, I don't have an appoint-"

"No, you don't need one," the receptionist said in awe. "I can't imagine anyone turning you away. You’re a really good role model for women everywhere wanting to be architects."

"Thank you," Eda said. "Easy work."

Eda passed through the doors, she looked around, taking everything in. 

She was sure she could find Serkan either in the conference room or in his office upstairs, she took a step toward the work area but stopped when a voice said from behind her, "What are you doing here, Eda?"

She turned, squaring her shoulders, preparing herself for a confrontation and thought, 

_ Here we go.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a moment and wish everyone Happy Holidays! I hope you enjoy this update!

“Isn’t it obvious why I am here?” Eda stepped forward. “And you? What are you doing here?”

“I know you left years ago but in case you forgot I work here,” Selin said. 

“I didn’t forget but we know that’s not why you stick around,” Eda replied, eyeing Selin critically. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Selin shook her head. 

“Yes, you do,” Eda stepped forward till she was toe to toe with Selin. “The last time we spoke you told me to keep my distance that Serkan had moved on. Maybe that was true but when I spoke to him last night that didn’t seem the case.”

“It is.” Selin ground out. “Serkan hasn’t spent the last five years pining after you. You're not that important.”

Eda forced a smile and nodded. “Funny, you should mention that seeing as if looks like that’s exactly what you did. Are you still waiting for him to show you just a fraction of the affection he once showed me?” 

The words were harsh but Eda couldn’t help it. It took seeing Selin again at the party to realize what a snake the other woman was. 

“I don’t need to wait around. I remain important to Serkan and you, you're just a memory.” Selin snapped. “You can’t come back here and expect everyone to fall at your feet.” 

“Eda?” 

Eda’s eyes snapped up to the top of the stairs that led to the upper floor. 

Serkan stood there with a look of his surprise and she watched as his eyes lit up and his lips pulled into a slow smile. 

Serkan was surprised to see her. She looked to be in a heated discussion with Selin but he didn’t care, he walked down the stairs quickly, only stopping once he was in front of her. “Eda,” he repeated and he could hear the wonder in his own voice. 

“Hello, Serkan,” Eda smiled, turning away from Selin. 

“What are you doing here?” Serkan asked. 

“I came to see you? Do you have some time?” Eda asked. “If not I could come back ano-”

“No,” Serkan said quickly. “I always have time for you,” he gestures with his arm, motioning her forward. “Come, we will speak privately.”

Eda smiled and inclined her head. “Thank you.” She walked up the steps and Serkan followed right behind her leaving a disgruntled Selin behind. 

Serkan closed his office door behind them. “Would you like to have a seat?”

“I would,” Eda took a seat on the couch in Serkan’s office and he sat beside her. “I hope I haven’t upset you by stopping by unannounced. I wanted to speak with you and the last time I tried to reach out to you didn’t go so well.”

Serkan’s brow furrowed. “You mean last night?”

“No,” Eda shook her head. “I mean when I called you almost a year after I left for Italy.” 

Serkan’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? You never called me, Eda.” 

“I did.” Eda insisted. “Selin..” Eda trailed off unsure if she should tell Serkan about what she did. 

“Selin, what?” Serkan sat up straighter. “What does Selin have to do with this?”

“Nothing. Let’s forget I said anything.” Eda dismissed. 

“I won’t forget. Tell me.” Serkan insisted still Eda hesitated unsure how he would take it. “Eda?”

“When I called you I wasn’t in a good place. I was upset and I wanted, no, I need someone to talk to, I just wanted to hear your voice. I wanted someone who would understand but it wasn’t you who picked up the phone.” Eda explained, she fought the urge to reach up and touch the necklace she wore, her ring from him carefully hidden beneath the fabric of her shirt. 

It only took a moment for Serkan to put it together, the tenseness between Eda and Selin, Eda bringing her up, Selin’s constant encouragement over the years that he had to move on with his life and leave Eda in the past. 

“Selin.” 

Eda nodded. “Yes, it was Selin.”

“What did she say to you?” Serkan demanded a wave of slow-burning anger was boiling inside of him. 

“It’s not important,” Eda said. “Not anymore.”

“No, it is. It’s important. Anything connected with you is important. I have a right to know. You wanted to talk to me, you came here today. Talk to me, Eda.”

Eda nodded slowly, licking her lips, she could remember clearly the words Selin spoke to her because there was nothing about that day she didn’t remember. It was one of the worst days of her life. 

“She told me that you were in a good place but you didn’t need me causing you more pain. She told me you let me go and moved on with your life.” Eda felt a fresh wave of pain, repeating the words Selin had spoken to her. 

The words at the time she had believed. Now she wasn’t so sure they were true. 

Serkan stood up, walking to the glass window that overlooked the first floor. He could see Selin standing, talking to Piril and he felt an anger he had not felt since he found out about his father’s reckless mistake that cost him everything. 

Eda paused, watching him, wondering if she should tell him the rest. “Serkan?”

Serkan clenched his jaw and he turned slowly back to Eda. “There’s more, isn’t there?” 

Eda nodded silently. There was anger brewing in him, shining his eyes. She knew it wasn’t at her and she was glad it was not at her. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so angry. 

“Say it,” Serkan said, he didn’t move away from the window. 

“She told me not to call. She said if I cared about you at all that I would let you live your life without interference from the one who hurt you more than anyone. She told me to let you go.” 

Serkan shut his eyes. He hated that Eda had listened to a word Selin said but she was not the one at fault here. He would not blame her. 

He turned back around, looking down at Selin at the exact moment she looked at him. 

He never thought it possible for him to hate someone who had been a part of his life for so long. Not since his father but he was wrong. Just looking at Selin, knowing what she did churn his stomach with revulsion. 

When did she become so deceitful and selfish? When did she stop caring about anyone but herself? 

Selin recoiled from his gaze and he knew she could see the anger, his hate in his expression when she looked at him. 

“Serkan?” Eda said she moved to stand. 

“Don’t,” Serkan turned back around. “Don’t get up. I will deal with Selin’s betrayal later. She is not important.”

He rejoined her on the couch, leaving only a few inches between them. “I believe we have some things to clear up thanks to her. I will start. I haven’t been in a good place for a very long time.” 

Not since she left but Serkan would not tell her so. 

“You reaching out to me could’ve changed that. If I had known you needed me that you wanted me there I would have got on my jet and come to you.” Serkan said. 

Eda smiled softly. “Even after I hurt you?”

“Yes, and I’m not innocent in this. If I would have told you the truth I would have saved us a lot of pain.” Serkan said, angst. 

“Yes, it would have.” Eda agreed. “Look, I came to see you because I felt our time was cut short last night and I think there is a lot between us that has gone unsaid for far too long.” 

“I agree, there’s so much I want to say to you,” Serkan said but he was unsure if he should knowing she has a fiance now. What would it even change?

“It’s my fault,” Eda said suddenly. “If I had just talked with you like an adult instead of a heartbroken-”

“Don’t,” Serkan took her hand in his, ignoring the press of her engagement ring against his skin. “Don’t insult yourself. You had every right to feel what you felt then. You still do. I am just glad that you are here now.”

Eda looked down at her hand in his and then brought her eyes to his. “Still, I’m sorry for how we left things all these years.” 

Serkan’s hands tightened on hers. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can,” Eda said, turning her hand over in his, holding tightly to him. 

Serkan swallowed, her hand still fit in his so perfectly. It was marvelous how such a small gesture had his chest warming. It felt so right to hold her hand in his again. 

The only thing he could think of being more perfect was to hold her in his arms, her scent surrounding him, her body pressed against his, her heart pounding against his chest, her lips brushing against his in the sweetest of touches. 

“Why did you leave without saying goodbye?” Serkan asked, he did not try to hide his hurt or his vulnerability. For years it had haunted him that Eda didn’t care about him enough to even see him one last time before leaving for Italy. 

Eda felt a sharp pang in her heart, she swallowed heavily, a weight on her chest. “I was afraid.” 

Serkan looked at her in surprise. He did not expect that answer. “Afraid? Of what?”

“That you would find a way to change my mind.” Eda took a deep breath. “I knew that out of everyone you were the one person who could change my mind and I didn’t want that. I wanted to get away from the pain I was feeling. I foolishly believed Italy was the answer. I was wrong.” 

“Could I have really changed your mind? We were in such a bad place when you left.” Serkan’s hand tightened around hers, his thumb brushing across her soft skin. 

Eda gave a small laugh. “You really had no idea how much you meant to me, did you?” she shook her head and lifted her hand to his cheek. 

Serkan’s eyes widened at the intimate touch but he wasn’t about to stop her. 

“I was loath to admit it then but I’m pretty sure you could have talked me into anything. You were always so persuasive and determined, the only reason I stood a chance against you was because I was more stubborn than you were. Yes, you could have changed my mind.” Eda said with certainty. 

Serkan wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. If he had convinced her to stay where would they be now? Would they be married with two kids? How different could their lives have been?

Eda let her hand fall away and pulled her other one out of his grip and stood slowly. 

He felt her putting distance between them and it was like a blade twisting in his heart.

“Serkan, I came here to put the past behind us and move forward,” Eda said. She needed to put distance between them because being so open and vulnerable with him had her wanting to throw her arms around him and never let go. 

“Right. You wanted closure.” Serkan said. 

“About the past, yes but I don’t want to say goodbye to you.” She never wanted to have to say goodbye to him again. She missed him so much. 

He stood in front of her and she felt like she was dreaming but she knew she wasn’t. 

“Serkan would like to go to dinner with me?” Eda asked taking Serkan by complete surprise. 

“Dinner?” Serkan repeated, certain he heard her wrong. 

“Yes,” Eda nodded. “Dinner.”

Serkan stood there, staring at her, his mouth parted, his green eyes intense. 

Eda’s heart pounded in her chest, awaiting his answer. 

Did he know she was extending her heart to him and he had the power to either shatter it or heal it with one answer?

Serkan swallowed heavily. Did Eda have any idea that there was no way he could ever deny her anything let alone this?

It suddenly didn’t matter to him that she had a fiance. It didn’t matter that she had a child. All that mattered was that she was standing in front of him asking for more of his time. 

There could ever only be one answer he could give her. 

He would do anything she asked of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are always encouraged.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I've had some family stuff going on lately. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for any mistakes.

“How about this one?” Eda stepped out of the bathroom connected to her bedroom, she wore a royal blue mini dress with a deep V neck, exposing the appropriate amount of cleavage to be sexy. The spaghetti straps and open back showed off her shoulders and the skin of her back. The supple soft fabric cut at thigh high length, showing off her legs, the front was in a wrap-around style with chic runch detail. 

“Pretty. So pretty.” Alara clapped her hands. “I want to look pretty, too. Can I go with you?” 

“No,” Halil shook his head, picking up Alara and setting her on his knee where he was seated on the edge of Eda’s bed. “You’re already pretty and you have to stay home with me tonight.”

Alara frowned, not liking the idea. “Why?”

“Because I’m meeting someone really important and I want everything to go right,” Eda told her.

“Can I meet him?” Alara asked. 

“Yes but not tonight.” Eda looked at Halil. “What’s your take, Halil?”

Halil looked her over deliberately starting from her legs and stopping at her eyes, his smile was sincere, eyes kind. “I think you look perfect. Serkan won’t be able to breathe when he sees you.” 

“You think?” Eda walked over to her mirror, turning left then right looking herself over. 

“I know,” Halil said and there was something in his voice that had Eda looking back at him but as soon as she met his eyes he looked away. 

But it was long enough for her to see the longing in his eyes.

Eda bit her lip, a feeling of guilt etching into her stomach. It wasn’t hard to see that Halil had feelings for her but it was easier to never talk about it. She didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t want to hurt him. She pretended not to notice the long looks he gave her, the way he smiled at her, how his eyes lit up when she walked into the room. 

Halil was a great guy but he wasn’t the guy for her. Things probably would’ve been easier if she returned his feelings however nothing worth fighting for was easy. And the life she saw for herself with Serkan, the love she never stopped feeling for him that was worth fighting for and she refused to live a lie by pretending her heart didn’t beat for Serkan Bolat. 

She looked back at herself. She wore a longer chain so she could hide her ring in her cleavage, it was the only piece of jewelry she was wearing tonight. Her make-up was light, enhancing her natural beauty and her hair flowed around her shoulders in waves, the ends tickling at her back. 

She walked over to her vanity and slipped on a pair of silver strappy heels and grabbed her clutch. “Okay, I will see you guys later.”

“Is he picking you up or are you meeting him there?” Halil asked suddenly. 

“I’m meeting him there,” Eda answered. 

Halil stood up, holding Alara on his hip. She rested against him with ease and trust, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I’ll drive you.” 

Eda shook her head. “That’s not necessary.” 

There was no need for Halil to torture himself. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” 

“I’m sure,” Eda walked forward and pressed a kiss to Alara’s cheek. “Just take care of our favorite girl and I’ll be home later.”

Halil looked down at Alara and held her closer. “Okay.”

Eda forced a smile, she had the urge to hug him, the way she would if she had a brother but she didn’t want him to take it the wrong way or read incorrectly into it. Instead, she offered him a smile and a wave and walked out the door. 

* * *

Serkan arrived at the restaurant early, he requested their table be out on the deck. It offered an amazing view of the city and he remembered Eda loved the sea. He hoped she would appreciate the gesture. 

He looked at his watch just as it hit seven o’clock. She should be there any minute. 

He looked up and his breath left him, his lips parting. 

How was she more beautiful every time he saw her?

He pushed his chair back and stood as Eda came toward him, he moved around the table. “Eda, you look unbelievable.” 

Eda smiled. “Thank you.” Her eyes took him in, the dark suit, the vest, the way he wore his hair, the stubble covering his jaw. It all suited him so perfectly, she felt her stomach flutter. 

Serkan pulled out her chair and she thanked him, leaning forward brushing her lips against his cheek. He paused staring at her before swallowing thickly and pushed her chair in. 

Eda set her clutch on the table as he retook his seat across from her. “I’m sorry if I kept you waiting.” 

“No,” Serkan shook his head. “I arrived early.” 

Eda smiled and her eyes caught on the ocean, the lights of the city reflecting off the dark waves. “This is an amazing view.” 

“I thought you would appreciate it.” Serkan picked up his menu, pretending to look at it, and cast glances at her as she looked over her own menu. 

The waiter came over a few minutes later and took down their orders. 

“You still order dessert first,” Serkan said in amusement.

“Some things never change about a person,” Eda said. Like the way, she felt for him. 

“I suppose they don’t.” Serkan agreed. Serkan took her in, his eyes roaming over her every feature. Her cheekbones, her dark eyes, her flawless skin, her gorgeous hair, the curve of her lips, the smell of her perfume wafting in the air, mixing with the aroma of the food.

His eyes went to her hand resting on the table, his own tingled with the urge to reach out and laced their fingers together. 

He once said that there were invisible handcuffs between them and he still felt that was true. Even now. There was this force between them, tying him to her and now that she was in front of him he felt he couldn’t part from her. 

It was wrong, he knew she had a family at home waiting for her but It did not change how he felt. He was in love with her and that was never going to change no matter how far out of his reach she was even when sitting right across from him, looking more beautiful than ever.

Eda's heart sped up at the way he was looking at her. “Is something wrong, Serkan?” 

“No, I’m just, taking a moment to commit tonight to my memory,” Serkan answered. 

“Why?” 

“You have no idea how much I have missed you. For the longest time, I held onto the history between us to remember you by, your smile, your eyes, how beautiful you are, your kindness, your strength, your courage. I tried to remember every little detail about you. Yet, having you sitting across from me, I know now my memories of you did not hold up to the real thing. I need to be thorough in committing you to my memory from now on that way when I miss you to the point my body aches with regret, I will have that image to hold close to my chest.” 

Eda felt tears gather in her eyes at his words. She went to discreetly wipe them away when she caught him twisting and turning the ring he wore. His engagement ring to her. 

“Is that why you still wear your ring? Because of the memories attached to it?” Eda asked, feeling emotion tighten her chest. 

“No, I wear because it has become a part of me,” 

Just as much as his love for her had become a part of his soul but he couldn’t tell her that. Not when she had a family waiting at home for her. 

Eda’s heart pounded in her chest. God, did he have to say things like that? She had the urge to say hell to everything, with her plan of taking the time to get to know each other again and just reach across the table and kiss him, tell him to take her back to his place so she could show him just how much she still loves him. 

“I have never once taken this ring off and I won’t,” Serkan swallowed, he brought his gaze to her. “I know you have a family now waiting at home for you and that for you what we shared is your past, not your future but-”

“I don’t,” Eda blurted, knowing she had to tell him. She couldn’t let him continue to think she had left him behind in the past. “I don’t have a family waiting for me. My engagement is fake which is why I didn’t wear the ring tonight, and I don’t have a daughter.”

“What?” Serkan’s eyes shot to her hand and relief unlike he had ever known washed over him at her naked finger. 

“Let me explain,” Eda reached across the table touching his hand. “Yes, they're at home waiting for me and they’re family but not in the sense you’ve been thinking.”

The waiter appeared then delivering their food.

Serkan turned his hand over and grabbed a hold of hers as soon as the waiter was gone, holding on. “Tell me.”

“I had this roommate in Italy when I was finishing my degree. Aiyla. She was pregnant, disowned by her parents. She was putting herself through college with the help of her brother Halil. I became very close with Aiyla and by extension Halil. When Aiiyla was 32 weeks pregnant she got into a car accident. She didn’t make it but the doctors were able to save her baby.” Eda paused, the sadness she felt whenever she spoke of Aiyla’s death creeping up on her. “She was a sister to me, I felt so lost when she died, that was when I called you, I thought you better than anyone knew what it was like to lose a sibling.”

“I’m sorry you lost her,” Serkan squeezed her hand, his thumbing brushing across her knuckles. 

Eda nodded. “Halil, got custody of the baby, Alara. It was hard for him in the beginning and I did all I could to help him. Alara is the closest thing I have to a niece.”

“And the fake engagement?” Serkan asked. 

“Halil has a job in politics and he needed a fiance to approve his image since he had a child. It is not known that Alara is his sister’s child and not his. He does his best to keep it from the media. He does not wish for Aiyla's memory to be dragged through the mud for having been unmarried when she got pregnant and he doesn’t want that scandal to follow Alara around for the rest of her life. He asked that I pose as his fiance, giving Alara a mother in front of the cameras and reporters. It was never anything more. Halil is a good friend and needed help and like I said I did what I could to help.” 

Serkan felt a weight lift inside his chest, something uncoiling from around his heart but it was still a lot to take in. “I thought you started a family.”

“No.” Eda shook her head. “One day. Maybe.” Only with him. 

Serkan nodded slowly, his hand tightening around hers. “Good. That’s good.”

Serkan ducked his head to hide his relieved smile. 

“I want you to meet them, Serkan,” Eda said suddenly. 

Serkan’s eyes snapped back to her. “What?”

“Halil and Alara.” Eda clarified. “I want you to meet them. They know all about you and I want you to know them.” 

Serkan nodded. Of course, they would know of him. He was Serkan Bolat. It couldn’t be because Eda talked about him, could it? 

“They are important to me and you are important to me and I would like you to spend time with them before Halil and Alara go back to Italy.” 

“They’re not staying?” Serkan inquired. 

“No, Halil’s life is not here but he wanted to give me and Alara some more time together and he wanted to make sure I got settled back in. He’s protective that way.” A smile pulled at Eda’s lips. 

Serkan felt something twist inside him at the fondness she spoke of a man who was not him. “I can’t. I am very busy.”

Serkan wasn’t sure he could stomach seeing the man. He was still trying to process what Eda had told him and just knowing the man was close with Eda made his blood pressure rise. 

“Please.” Eda looked at him with that look he could never say no to. “It would mean so much to me,”

Serkan rolled his eyes at his inability to say no to her even now. “Okay, I will think about it.” 

Eda nodded. It wasn’t exactly a yes but it was good enough for her. “Thank you.” 

Serkan nodded and began eating his food, Eda doing the same. 

“Have you spoken to Selin after finding out everything?” Eda asked, after a moment. 

Serkan swallowed a bite of food and took a drink from his glass of water. “No,” he shook his head, fighting down the anger. “After you left the office, I went to talk to her but she had left and she hasn’t been taking my calls.” 

“She’s avoiding you.” 

“As she should,” Serkan said, clenching his jaw. “I didn’t think she was capable of such deceit. I was wrong. Now I’m not sure I ever truly knew her.” 

“What she did is in the past, perhaps it's best not to bring it up again,” Eda suggested, she hated what Selin did but she refused to give the woman the power to affect her life after all this time.

“No, she has to know her actions have consequences.” Serkan jaw clenched. “She will answer for her lies and deception.” 

“Okay,” Eda said, she could see the anger in his eyes and she didn’t feel like arguing on a woman’s behalf who only proved herself to be selfish, manipulative, and self-centered. 

“Since we're discussing this, I have to ask,” Serkan looked at her. “Why did you never try to reach out to me again?”

“After Aiyla died my life became so complicated. I was finishing up school and Halil was all alone with Alara. He needed help and he needed family and I couldn’t imagine leaving that little girl behind. Being in their lives..it really helped me process my grief in a healthy way. Being around them helped me stay connected with Aiyla even after her death. It kept her memory alive for me.” Eda licked her lips. “And if I’m being honest I was scared to reach out in case you really didn't want me in your life.” 

“I am always gonna want you in my life.” Serkan words were immediate. “You always had this way of shining color and life into my world when I didn’t even know it was missing. I have missed that.” He missed her but he was hesitant to put his heart completely on the line. She still had a family waiting for her at home even if it wasn’t in the sense he thought and he wasn’t sure if he could still fit into her life like before. 

Eda smiled and reached out touching his hand. “Serkan, I know we have a lot to work through and catch up on and there’s always going to be this history between us but I would like the chance to be a part of your life again. I want us to start over.” 

Serkan's heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He had to force himself not to reach his hand up and place his palm over it.

He wanted to stand up and pull her into his arms and crush his lips to hers but there was this little voice in his head telling him she still had someone in her life. She didn’t need him and maybe she never did, not the way he needed her. 

He couldn’t turn her life upside down but he knew he couldn’t let her go either. He couldn’t let her disappear from his life again. 

“So do I and I feel confident about what I’m about to say. I want you to come work for me as a landscape architect. You’ve made a huge name for yourself and I think we can do some amazing things when we work together.” 

Eda felt her heart drop into her stomach. She didn’t know what she had been expecting him to say but it wasn’t that. She felt like Serkan was putting her in a professional box.

She looked into his eyes and she could clearly see that he still felt for her but he was setting boundaries for them.

“You want me to come work for you?” Eda asked, needing clarification. She didn’t want any more misunderstandings between them. 

“Not for me. With me.” Serkan released her hand. “You will have your own office and will handle your own projects with full creative control. If you say yes, you can come by the office first thing tomorrow and we can work out all the details.” 

Eda drew her hand back slowly, her skin feeling cold. This wasn’t what she wanted. 

Of course, she wanted to work with him. They worked so well together but she wanted more than work to be between them. She wanted everything life had to offer with Serkan. 

* * *

Eda walked through the door to her home. It was almost ten o’clock, most of the lights were out. 

She wasn’t surprised. By now Alara would be sleeping in her bed and Halil would be working, pouring over documents. 

There was one light shining in from the kitchen, she walked toward it. 

Halil was at the counter surrounded by papers, a pen, and a notepad in his hands. 

“I know you came here with me to help me get settled but I thought you could also use the time away from work to actually take a break yet here you are working.”

Halil looked up, his lips pulling into a smile. “You know I like to keep busy.” 

“I know.” Eda set her clutch on the table and slid into the seat across from her. 

“Can I get you a drink,” Halil asked, setting his pen down and standing. 

“Water is fine,” Eda answered, she pulled her phone out of her clutch and set it beside her. 

Halil retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator and placed it in front of her before pouring himself a cup of coffee and re-taking his seat. “How did the date go? Was it everything you wanted it to be?”

“It was and it wasn’t. I mean, it was great spending time with Serkan again and clearing the air between us but having the person you love sitting across from you really puts everything in perspective.” 

“What? He’s more amazing than you remember?” Halil asked. 

“Something like that,” Eda admitted. “I don’t think you truly know how deeply you miss someone until you're reunited with them. Or how much you still love them. All I wanted to do tonight was kiss Serkan like my life depended on it. He was close enough where I could do it but I’m afraid of moving too fast. I fear that he will reject me because of how suddenly I’ve reappeared in his life.”

“No man in his right man would ever reject you, Eda. Especially not one who had the pleasure of knowing you and falling in love with you. If Serkan Bolat doesn’t realize he’s the luckiest man on the planet then he doesn’t deserve you,” Halil's words were sincere as he looked into her eyes. 

Eda swallowed, she could hear the underline sadness in his words, see the longing in his eyes.

It was no secret to her that Halil was in love with her. She has been aware of feelings for a long time. It was obvious in the way he looked at her, the way his eyes lit up whenever she walked into the room. How before the fake engagement he never once attempted to correct others for wrongly assuming they were together or that Alara was their daughter. How every time he would turn a woman down, he would look right at her. 

Eda loved him just not the way he loved her. He was an amazing friend and maybe if she hadn’t given her heart away a long time ago or hadn’t already found her other half things would be different but that wasn’t the case. 

She didn’t lead him on. He was fully aware of who she loves and that she wanted a life with Serkan, and Halil being the great guy she has known for years never once showed any resentment that she didn’t feel the same way about him. 

Not once did he try to force his feelings on her or try to pressure her into feeling something for him in return. No, he had always just been her rock, her pillar, her friend, her family. 

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly. She hated that she caused him pain without meaning to. “I know how you feel about me and I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings.”

“I was never great at hiding what I feel for someone I care about,” Halil said, looking away from her. He swallowed heavily, running a hand down his face. 

Guilt ate away at Eda at the pain radiating from him. “Halil, I-” 

“Don’t Eda,” He cut her off. “Don’t apologize for not feeling the same. I knew I never had a chance with you and I fell in love with you anyway. It’s not your fault.” Halil reached across the counter and placed his hand over hers. “For years you have been there for me and Alara without question, never once did you complain or imply that we were interfering with your life. You were the only support my sister had before she died. I have watched you move through life shining brightly but I always felt you were a little lost and maybe that’s because you left a vital piece of yourself with Serkan. You have sacrificed again and again for me and Alara, you need to start living for yourself. I want you to be happy Eda and if being with Serkan will make you happy then I fully support you being with him.” He squeezed her hands. 

Eda smiled. “I may not love you the way you love me, but I do love you, you know that?” 

Halil smiles and it was sincere and genuine and brought a smile to Eda. “I know,” he said finally. “Now, tell me how the date ended. Did you make plans to see each other again?” 

“Sort of. He wants me to come work for him. I think he’s hesitant to put his heart on the line.” Eda said. 

“Well, then you just need to accept his offer and show him you're not going anywhere and that you came back for him.”

“Yeah?” Eda asked. “You don’t think just jumping into everything with him is moving too fast. I don’t want to push him away.” 

“You won’t. If he loves you as you love him, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. The way I look at it and everything you told me about your history with Serkan, the two of you have wasted enough time. Life is too short to live with regrets. We know that better than anyone. If you and Serkan love each other that’s all that matters.” 

Eda knew he was right. She got up and walked over to him, she squeezed his shoulder in thanks. “Put the papers away. I’m gonna go get changed and then we are going to watch a movie, eat ice cream and plan out the places you and Alara should visit while you’re here.” 

“Sounds good.” Halil started to gather up his work. 

Eda smiled as she headed to her room. She would forever be grateful for Halil's compassionate heart. His advice about Serkan, circling in her mind. She knew he was right. 

She didn’t want to waste time with Serkan, pretending she didn’t come back for him. She lost so much time with him already, she didn’t want to lose anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> I will definitely continue this one. I love to write me some angst.


End file.
